Hanging Onto My Hat

I bought this hat the week my whole life fell apart.

Things continued to disintegrate in ways I couldn’t imagine, but these were the first blows. There wasn’t time to consider plans or even healing, just survival. But in the mess of it all, I needed to feel hope so I could find my way. And I just knew that I had it in me to be alright. I could find forgiveness. I would know peace. My kids would be okay.

I saw this hat in a gift shop where I was taking refuge from a work event. There were lots of stolen moments in get-it-together corners those days. This time, instead of crying, I just focused on the hat, imagining the places I would wear it. How it would feel to be a happy person again, wearing a fancy hat to places where one wears hats. I told myself if I bought this hat, that someday I’d go to those places.

It was the first time I remembered there would be a future. So for no other reason than believing in tomorrow, I acquired a ridiculous, unnecessary thing to crown myself with hope and faith.

If you’re in a dark season trying to sort through difficult things, I want to let you know that it’s okay to be unreasonably optimistic. Hang on. Have hope. Take your time. But always believe in a future that exceeds your past. That’s the best way to find it.