The Downside of Fake It Till You Make It

In a recent conversation with a coaching client, we talked about his desire for more free time away from the demands of business ownership. I asked him to describe his ideal work/life balance scenario and then I asked him to imagine how the person who lived that life woke up each day. What choices did they make and how did they schedule their time?

We got very granular. We imagined their morning routine and how they prepared for the day. We talked about what they ate, what they wore, their schedule, and how they entered their business each morning and moved through the day.

“Who is this person, living your ideal life,” I asked him. “What does his day specifically look like?”

“It’s a sort of fake-it-till-you-make-it situation,” my client said.

“Actually,” I replied, “it’s more helpful to think about it in terms of AS IF.”

The difference is subtle but it’s a very important distinction. Faking something is a show. It’s an external focus that has you concerned with appearances.

Behaving AS IF, is intention in action. You’re aligning your individual behavior with the idea of who you want to be. Through daily elevated behaviors, you’re internalizing the change.

If you want to move your life in a certain direction, imagining the person who embodies that life and how they live, and then systematically taking on those behaviors and rituals, will help you feel the difference. Behaving AS IF puts you in the act of becoming by modeling your behavior after someone who already is.

I’ve had a strong desire to bring my spiritual life into my work. It was a desire that made me nervous as a business owner. But my faith is central to my entire perspective and I wanted to feel fully integrated as a trusted advisor. I had to trust if I showed up in the fullness of myself, I could better serve my clients.

So, I imagined the routines of the person I wanted to consistently be: a wise woman and a business consultant who fosters positive human interaction and operates from faith and gratitude.  

At first, lighting a morning candle to set my intentions, writing my gratitude list, and meditating felt awkward. Like – AS IF – I was stepping into someone else’s life. But now it’s the non-negotiable start of my day. 

If something feels off, if I lose momentum, my first thought is, “What do I need to bring into my morning ritual to have more understanding?”

If we want to change something in our lives, it is almost always a desire to become a better version of ourselves. Healthier lifestyle. More confidence as a leader. A better handle on finances. Deeper relationships. Unfortunately, this kind of growth can make people (even those who love us the most) nervous. And the world, such as it is, doesn’t always support big, positive aspirations.

If you’re faking something for outside approval, it’s going to be as shallow as it sounds. But if you’re creating habits that help you become the person who lives your goals, AS IF will become an unshakable way of being.